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Writer's pictureMuskaan Ahuja

writeALONG! 20 August

A TUESDAY FEATURE

hosts: Muskaan Ahuja, K.Ramesh

guest editor: Adelaide Shaw


Only the unpublished poems (that are never published on any social media platform/journals/anthologies) posted here for each prompt will be considered for Triveni Haikai India's monthly journal -- haikuKATHA, each month.


Poets are requested to post poems (haiku/senryu) that adhere to the prompts/exercises given.


Only 1 poem to be posted in 24 hours. Total 2 poems per poet are allowed each week (numbered 1,2). So, revise your poems till 'words obey your call'.


If a poet wants feedback, then the poet must mention 'feedback welcome' below each poem that is being posted.


Responses are usually a mixture of grain and chaff. The poet has to be discerning about what to take for the final version of the poem or the unedited version will be picked up for the journal.


The final version should be on top of the original version for selection.


Poetry is a serious business. Give you best attempt to feature in haikuKATHA !!

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Haiku depict sense images. When recording an experience, we should try to include more than one sense that influenced the experience. At first, we probably don’t realize that the experience is a combination of influences.

 

awake at night

the sound of the water jar

cracking in the cold               


--- Basho

 

Basho is awake or awakened and hears a cracking sound. He also mentions the cold.We have the sense of touch and sound.

 

the spring breeze                      

through the barley,

the sound of waters             


--- Mokuto

 


There are several senses involved here. Sound, sight and touch.

 

The challenge this week is to write a haiku using more than one of the senses.


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259 Comments


#2


falling leaves

still a stir of arousal

downwind of the bakery


Keith Evetts Thames Ditton UK

comments welcome


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#2

kebabs

in a wayside stall

the dog drools


Dipankar Dasgupta India


(Feedback welcome.)

Edited
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Replying to

.

Dear Dipankar,


re:

kebabs

in a wayside stall

the dog drools


Are kebabs Turkish or Greek?

Kebab is neither Greek or Turkish. The name existed in both Akkadian (ancient Babylonian) and Aramaic (ancient Levantine) to describe small pieces of meat grilled on skewers or a pan, probably as early as 4000BC


According to Ibn Battuta, a Maghrebi traveller, kebab was served in the royal houses during the Delhi Sultanate (1206–1526), and even commoners would enjoy it for breakfast with naan.


Modern-day kebabs in India mostly trace their origin to the influence of Mughlai cuisine. Some Indian kebabs have very specific geographic attributions, such as Kakori kebab, which is made of finely ground, soft mince and attributed to the city…


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#1, revised a bit, 27/8


a walk in the street . . .

suddenly, the snuff powder

triggers my sneeze


Lakshmi Iyer, India


25/8


a walk in the street

suddenly, the snuff powder

triggers my sneeze


Lakshmi Iyer, India

Feedback please

Edited
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Replying to

Wow!


What is snuff in Dickens?


Charles Dickens was a well-known snuff user, as were his characters, especially the upper-class ones. Snuff use in Dickens' writing was usually associated with grace and dignity. James Joyce shared a similar enthusiasm for snuff, though his writing tended to portray the habit in a much more gritty light.


Snuff use in Dickens' writing was usually associated with grace and dignity. “The Marquis took a gentle little pinch of snuff, and shook his head; as elegantly despondent as he could becomingly be of a country still containing himself, that great means of regeneration.”


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#1


Fourth Version (Thank you so much Alan!)


Carlsberg lager … the first moon lander on black & white tv


Dipankar Dasgupta India


(Feedback welcome.)


Third Version (Thanks to Dinah, Alan and Adelaide, though I think I have failed to live up to their suggestions.)


Carlsberg flows …

the first moon lander

on black & white tv


Dipankar Dasgupta India


(Feedback welcome.)


Second Version (Thanks to Dinah's thoughts)


first men on moon

my beer and pizza filled

memory


Dipankor Dasgupta

India


(Feedback welcome.)


First version

memory

the pizza flavoured

first men on moon


Dipankar Dasgupta India


(Feedback welcome.)

Edited
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Replying to

Thank you so much Alan. This works just the way I wanted it to. dipankar.

Edited
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Kalyanee
Kalyanee
Aug 24

24.08.2024

#1

Revision. Thank you, Alan Summers Sir.


country song

fried lentils sizzle the air


Kalyanee Arandhara

Assam, India


Feedback most welcome


Original:


country song

aroma of fried lentil

sizzles the air


Kalyanee Arandhara

Assam, India


Feedback most welcome

Edited
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Kalyanee
Kalyanee
Aug 25
Replying to

Thanks Dipankar.

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