writeALONG! 10 December

A TUESDAY FEATURE

hosts: Muskaan Ahuja, K.Ramesh

guest editor: Keith Evetts

Only the unpublished poems (that are never published on any social media platform/journals/anthologies) posted here for each prompt will be considered for Triveni Haikai India's monthly journal -- haikuKATHA, each month.

Poets are requested to post poems (haiku/senryu) that adhere to the prompts/exercises given.

Only 1 poem to be posted in 24 hours. Total 2 poems per poet are allowed each week (numbered 1,2). So, revise your poems till 'words obey your call'.

If a poet wants feedback, then the poet must mention 'feedback welcome' below each poem that is being posted.

Responses are usually a mixture of grain and chaff. The poet has to be discerning about what to take for the final version of the poem or the unedited version will be picked up for the journal.

The final version should be on top of the original version for selection.

Poetry is a serious business. Give you best attempt to feature in haikuKATHA !!

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Beyond a detached, image-based picture of a scene, the best haiku have deeper layers of meaning.  The shasei or "sketch from life," if it is to have meaning, should be a sketch from Life with a capital letter.

naki nagara mushi no nagaruru ukigi kana

(singing still crickets float away driftwood)

—Issa

on a branch

floating downriver

a cricket singing…

(tr. Hirschfield)

Light, sound, action.  Three image elements: the branch, the river, and the cricket (in autumn it sings to attract a female for mating).  The 'cut' is at the end, inviting the reader to reflect. 

Issa shows fellow-feeling for the cricket, and so does the reader.  We are all crickets, afloat for a while on a fragile support,  caught in the stream, not knowing what lies ahead.  The cricket doesn’t worry about its possible fate; an example for us.  Meanwhile, like the cricket, we sing, we look for company, for love, on our little branch.

Find another classic haiku where a simple scene by its word associations has a more universal message without the poet explaining it.  Write a short commentary.  Then try writing one of your own, using just images and avoiding  the first person.

From Keith:

For me, a haiku is not simply a snapshot of a moment or a scene. It has to pass the "so what?" test. It should offer insight (an 'aha' moment), beauty or calm or some other emotion ('aah'), the mystery of the natural universe ('ooh'), the surprise of something new but then recognisable to the reader ('oh!'), or the smile or laugh that comes from that mysterious combination of ideal and reality ('oho' or 'haha'). A moment of, well.... magic.

How to achieve this? Most would point to metaphor or 'internal comparison', and to the weight of accumulated association of a word of words, especially a kigo or keyword, as of the essence. Not everyone agrees: "...it is necessary to state with some vehemence that haiku is not symbolic, that is, not a portrayal of natural phenomena with some meaning behind them." Blyth, History of Haiku vol 1.

I'd ask whether, then, he wanted haiku poets to portray natural phenomena with no meaning behind them? I think not. Throughout his books he offers abundant comment on the meaning of haiku he selects. Later in the same book he complains: "Since Basho, with the exception of Buson and Issa, and perhaps Shiki, haiku poets have been repeating, with variations....experiences devoid of nobility of character; humour that is not the humour of nature; sketches that are only photographs; backgrounds that are simply abstract philosophy."

I would add that the really famous and best-loved poems of the above-mentioned masters, plus others such as Chiyo-ni, all have insight and subtle meaning for us that goes beyond a recorded momentary picture.

I suggest you make your own minds up.

In the process, I have found the discipline of writing haiku commentaries, and reading the commentaries of others, of great help in deepening understanding of what works (for me) in the genre, and how it works — the craft. Although, there are those who feel that poetry cannot be explained in any way. Including, at one point, Blyth himself.

Looking forward in this WriteAlong week to your succinct commentaries on a poem you've found, and then to your own new poems with a deeper layer or layers of meaning. Do they go beyond simple exercises, and pass the "so what" test? Take your time.

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Thank you for taking so much interest in our blog.

In deep gratitude,

_kala