hosts: Firdaus Parvez, Kala Ramesh, Priti Aisola & Suraja Menon Roychowdhury
Introducing a new perspective to our Wednesday Feature!
It is our pleasure to feature well known haijin and poet Sonam Chokki this month. Welcome Sonam! Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions! We hope you will visit us and share your comments and insights on the poems that will be posted.
5 TTH: Can you give any advice to someone wanting to write and publish tanka? As an editor what are you looking for in a tanka that makes it most likely to get published?
SC: As in the case of question no. 3, this will vary for each poet/editor.
A question I ask myself is: “Why would anyone want to read or publish this poem?” I revise and rewrite as an answer to this. T.S. Eliot, the poet and literary critic (1888 - 1965) said that writing is a craft that has to be worked at and refined. It’s a fallacy that we lose our unique voice when subjected to critique.
A recurring issue not only in tanka but also in general, is that we often think that what we write about has to be “true” or that when we write about something, it has to be presented exactly how it happened. But for an experience to be transformed into a tanka we must eschew this mistaken notion of presenting the truth and nothing but the truth. Our goal as tanka poet is a poem that flows with a smooth rhythm, has alluring wordplay and layers of possible connotations and not a factual reproduction of an actual experience. To illustrate this, here is a tanka I revised several times. The removal of the rather mundane statement of a factual experience in the final line, with a visual imagery gave a more layered closing to what was felt and thought. Using an imagined and ubiquitous imagery of “butterflies skimming the waves” opened up the tanka without losing the sense of mourning and pain:
Original:
crossing the river
where my father's ashes
were scattered
the eddies froth and churn
memories of that gray dusk
Reworked:
crossing the river
where my father’s ashes
were scattered
the eddies froth and churn
butterflies skim a curve of wave
Ribbons Spring 2011
If I may say so, as a poet and editor, critical feedback and the willingness to edit, polish and refine, are the cornerstones to writing a satisfying tanka.
Presenting Sonam's poetry:
1.
not just the broken leg
my mind too is encased
this November night
the wind moves through trees
I stare at a single page
American Tanka Issue 20, 2011
In how many ways do we restrict ourselves? Sonam has expressed this beautifully in her tanka. The single page speaks to me- perhaps it is the blank page that every writer faces and at times fears. Or perhaps it is the blank slate of one's life where all is erased and there are only possibilities, once someone has broken through the proverbial ties that bind. The mastery in this tanka lies in the way specific images are used to convey deep insights.
2.
in dreams of mother
searching in the mountains
a snow leopard calls
to me in her voice
from the mouth of a cave
red lights Vol. 11, No. 1 January 2015
Perhaps it is knowing that Sonam is from Bhutan, but the majestic Himalayas immediately spring to my mind...Who is mother? The poet's mother? The snow leopard? The mountain? The earth? What does her voice sound like? This poem is so rich in imagery, engaging the reader on multiple levels...I leave you to experience it in your own way.
This week's challenge: Write about mountains and valleys. Write a tanka or a tanka prose. Tanka off-prompt are welcome too.
An essay on how to write tanka: https://www.trivenihaikai.in/post/tanka-flights
PLEASE NOTE
1. Post only one poem at a time, only one per day.
2. Only 2 tanka and two tanka-prose per poet per prompt. Tanka art, too.
3. Share your best-polished pieces. 4. We are not looking at SEQUENCES NOW, of any length.
5. Please do not post something in a hurry or something you have just written. Let it simmer for a while.
6. Post your final edited version on top of your original verse.
7. Don't forget to give feedback on others' poems.
We are delighted to open the comment thread for you to share your unpublished tanka and tanka-prose (within 250 words) to be considered for inclusion in the haikuKATHA monthly magazine.
tanka # 1
Attempted to write a humorous tanka. Not sure if this works.
Feedback welcome🙏🏻
Edited based on Suraja’s feedback
*** sitting
on a heap of old newspapers
in the attic you say you would move
mountains for me
***
original versions
version 1
*** you say you would move
mountains for me
sitting
on heaps of old newspapers
in the attic
***
version 2
***
heaps of old newspapers
sit in the attic for years
and you had said
you would move
mountains for me
***
Tanka prose
Revised thanks to Kala:
A Breath
Delhi heat is unbearable. A mountain vacation is a must in summers. Packing our bags for the hills we talk about how cold it will be there. Excitedly we get going. Nearing the mountains we sense a coolness in the air. The sun is hiding behind the clouds. Further up it becomes colder and we pull out our jackets. Crisp mountain air rustles the tall pines.
I secretly wish to have a home in the hills.
art class
we draw a green mountain
with a small hut
sound of laughter from within
resonates in my ears
Feedback appreciated:)
A Breath
Delhi heat is unbearable. A mountain vacation is a must in summers.…
#Tanka 3
climbing
it's topmost arc
the moon
this journey from womb to tomb
in the loop of time
Feedback most welcome :)
#1 tanka prose
It’s That Time of Night
when I yell at the TV. People Puzzler, America Says, or whatever is on.
in the eye
of Hurricane Susan -
my husband
in his noise-cancelling
headphones
comments welcome
#2—25June23
Revision:
a glint at the edge
of this creek water
eddy. . .
a woodpecker feather
joins the spin
Original:
glint at the edge
of this creek water eddy. . .
and now
a woodpecker feather
joins the spin
—Billie
feedback welcome